she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
did i just pee glitter
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
