wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
