Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
