Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
