And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
