we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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