i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize