I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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