The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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