Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize