So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
