enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
