I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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