Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
