One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize