I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
