Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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