just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
