if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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