When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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