i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
