Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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