Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
