i don't like sucking hair
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
