There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
