Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
