She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize