dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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