ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
