took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
