people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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