I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
