Nicole vs. Life
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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