the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You took a bar mat shot.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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