you would pick up someone in the library
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
