Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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