I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
