"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
