My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
