i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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