you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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