woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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