My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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