I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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