you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
