It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
