I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
