we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
