WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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