In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
