You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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