don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize