I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
