Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
