At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
