PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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