Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
