i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
