I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am mentally ready for anal.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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