I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
