and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
