Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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