I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
worst night to have a conscience
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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