Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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