I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
