There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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