people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
