Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
