You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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