Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
