I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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